Back To the Darkness My Most Recent Life (The Funeral My Life In Brief) Vol.6

I left you in the story with me looking after my rose that got so many bad weed choking her i kept fighting to get my rose back and here is what happened, this is the phase of the most recent actions of my life, now i feel content.

as i fought with all my might and everything i have in my power to clean up the weed and regain my beautiful rose, i didn't notice the darkness crawling back upon me i tolerated the humiliation, the pain, the agony, everything for one purpose to get back the most beautiful rose i ever saw, i kept quite and patient for i knew that the day is near when all is revealed, in due course of my waiting i found out about old weeds, bigger and awful weeds, weeds that didn't only suffocate my rose but reached to me and slashed my heart, and mutilated all the beautiful feelings that i have, yet i concord them by the only act that people are not capable of doing, this act was so hard for me to do for the three golden rules that i lived by and gave no second chances in were broken by these weeds, yet this time i did it, i forgave the breaking, and gave a second chance, a chance for me as much as it is for the other.

you may wonder how a chance for me, a chance for me because by doing this act of forgiveness i maintained the beauty and trust inside me and kept away from the darkness, and i fought for my rose to be whole again without any weeds, and at last i succeeded after 3 and half months of pain and suffering i did it, but the darkness was stronger now, i looked at my rose and to my horror i didn't recognize it any more, the weeds made so much changes upon it that its no longer white, and the glow and warmth that i felt are gone.

i didn't give up, because beneath the surface i still felt the original rose just hiding and the surface was just a cover to protect herself from the bad weeds, i tried scratching the surface to reveal my rose, and i got hurt many times by its thorns, but still i didn't care about my pain, and i didn't care about the bleeding, i just kept going using the tears of blood to wipe my rose clean, but there was no hope the darkness was falling faster than ever and darker still, and all my sacrifices were gone with the wind, yet in my dieing heart i knew that my rose still existed somewhere and i said that all that matters to me is one thing that thing that from the beginning stayed with me is to see my rose filled with happiness and i succeeded on the expense of my own happiness and pain yet it was worth it.

till this time i didn't notice the sum of bleeding and cuts that happened to my heart, and i didn't care about it, for pain was my friend and for this i didn't notice that because of this friend many i helped to the road of happiness but didn't feel my heart dieing, i noticed my own misery and the coldness because the hope started dieing in me and i became accustomed once again to the darkness for there was nothing left to try and my friend the pain started walking beside me again, once more the darkness held me in open arms.

as i became accustomed to the darkness again in the most recent months of my life i looked at the place were my special rose was and found just an ordinary rose the special one beneath it dieing from suffocation, from the shell she built for protection that eventually became her, i stood there and cried my last drops of blood from my heart over the rose that made my heart live again for she no longer existed.

i started walking again being back in my beloved darkness and pain my only companion, i found roses here and there each has its uniqueness but non is mine i cared for each one and nurtured it to blossom more and took the weeds out, yet as each one sent warmth by herself my heart as beyond repair, because as all things that die it needs burying so i took it out and buried it beside the one that gave it life in the past.

and i became the gardener of broken dreams and forgotten hopes removing the weeds around each rose i meet and giving her back life with no feeling of my own of neither sadness nor happiness, i made two videos posted below one of them at the beginning and one at the middle and i didn't make one for the end till someone plants another heart in me ;) i live the days feeling content, and still in hope ;) for i never lose hope and i never be pessimistic, always be optimistic ;).

The End

Videos I Made

To A Loved One

Memories Of A Dieing Heart


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